The day’s after finding out morgan had a brain tumor.

The hour car journey back from the mri felt torture, I sat in the back with Morgan while Ste and his mum drove us home. I quietly sobbed, but tried to hold it together i didn’t want Morgan to see me upset I wanted the journey to hurry up, i felt i was panicking and wanted to get out the car! I needed air. Ste put his hands behind the seat and gave my knee a rub to let me no he was there. I just dazed out the window, trying not to look at my beautiful blonde hair blue eyed boy in the seat next to me, as i know it would start me sobbing again.

My dad and mum came down that night. My mum in disbelief and my dad hugging me and telling me he loves me with tears in his eyes. I just wanted to be alone.

Stephens mum took Heidi back to hers that night, where she ended staying for at least 10 nights, although we saw her in the day.

It was quite late when we got home, Jayden and Regan had already ate at my mum’s And we let them go on their tablets till late and chill quietly in their rooms.

I had a hot long bath, and just cried and cried. And then tucked Morgan in my bed with me, i just needed him close.

The next day we had to go back to the hospital to discuss what they found on the scan and get a plan in place. I cant remember to much about this day as a lot is a blur, i feel i blocked a lot of it out as a way off coping. What i can remember vividly is them taking us on to a ward where it says teenage cancer trust, and my heart felt it was gonna jump out my chest. Why was we on here? Surly this cant be true. Seeing that word cancer, just made it feel real. 

We got lead down the ward into a small room, passing loads of children with tubes up there noses and no hair, so many children. I was so ignorant to how many children were going through this,it was just something iv never seen, and quite selfishly had to ever think off before. 

Me Stephen, Ste’s mum Anna all sat down and Morgan was whinging and sat on my lap playing with mamas (Anna) car keys. We got told that the tumor is on the middle off brain stem. Which is not a good location and your brain stem controls you breathing. And some other bits. I stopped listening at heart rate.  They planned to take a biopsy of the tumor and attempt to remove what they can of it. 

We had to go in the next day also to go through the operation and sign the consent forms.

We Was told they would drill into the back of his head and remove the back part of his skull and attempt to remove as much of the tumor they could. I felt i was signing his life away, reading all the risk. Stroke,brain damage, bleeding and death.

The next day me Stephen my mum,dad, 2 of my friends and Jayden, Regan and Morgan all went for a family meal. I loved watching Morgan march of in front holding my dads hand in his purple t shirt and grey trainer’s with a big smile on his face, in fact today he ate well and hadn’t even been sick in the day which was rare for Morgan. 

Monday arrived, we arrived at the hospital and onto the ward where we would be staying for the next few days, little did we no it would be months not days.

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